Things That Are Hard To Get Used To

Some things are surprisingly easy to get accustomed to, like no electricity, freezing showers, no fridge, no internet, washing laundry, or moto rides. However, there are certain things that always get you. Here is my list of those things.

1. The compliments here.

They don’t really seem to be compliments.

Yesterday, one of my co-workers said to me enthusiastically, “You are really getting fatter here! You’re really bulky!” And I was expected to say thank you.

Or the recent compliment I’ve been hearing from suitors is, “You’re so simple.” As in, “You are the perfect girl, you’re just so simple.” Great, thanks, I really want to marry you now.

2. People watching you, constantly.

Also very blatantly. People stare at you as you walk down the street and actively turn their heads to follow you. You can make eye contact with them, but they don’t stop or turn away, they just keep staring. You literally can’t do anything without being watched. And everyone knows who you are. You can go to another town and think you’re safe, but then suddenly five people are calling your name.

 

3. People making fun of you.

Sometimes they do it in the dialect directly in front of your face, so you can’t tell what they are saying, but you hear the word for “whiteman” repeated and there is a lot of laughing. I’m right here. I know you’re talking about me.

There are endless amounts of things for them to use to mock you. The number one thing however, is your American accent. They love to imitate American accents, or what they think is an American accent. This results in them speaking in an incredibly high-pitched voice, or a very nasally voice. Sometimes both.

4. People laughing at you.

Often for no apparent reason.

This is clearly related to the above point, but sometimes it goes even further than simply making fun of you. For example, you eat fufu or some other local food? Hilarious. You eat spaghetti or an American food? Hilarious. You’re doing laundry? Too funny. You’re walking up a hill? Just stop, I’m dying! Basically everything you do is funny. There is no way to win.

5. The infallibility of tradition.

Certain things are just the way they are, and that’s all there is to it. It doesn’t matter if logic dictates otherwise, but deviating from the way things are done is just not happening.

You want to put fufu on the same plate as your ndole? It cannot be done! In fact, refer back to point 4, because this is also hilarious and they will laugh at you. You want just beans and eru but no rice or plantains? Impossible.

The portion of rice she is serving is too big and you only want half of it? Forget it. It goes something like this: “Mamy, can I only have 50 cents of rice instead of 100? 100 is too much for me.” “I only sell rice for 100.” “Ok, then can you give me half of what you normally serve, but I will still pay 100.” “But this is the amount of rice you get when you pay 100.” “I understand, but I only want half.” “I only sell for 100.” “That’s fine, just give me a small portion.” “It is not possible.”

6. This brings us to the use of the word “possible.”

Many things are “not possible” when really, they are.

For example, your friend has left her room and she always shuts the door when she’s out. A man comes looking for her and calls around in the unit. A second friend arrives and asks why your friend’s door is open when she is not there. You suggest that maybe the man opened it when he was looking for her. This causes one huge fit of laughter (again, point 4) and then, “No, it’s not possible.” Oh but it is. If we’re going with my understanding of possible, it’s absolutely possible. It is one possible scenario. I can come up with other possible scenarios also. But, no it is simply not possible. 

7. Greetings here.

“How?”

“No, fine.” You always have to negate whatever you say first. Even if it’s positive overall. It’s a bit confusing.

But my favorite response to “how are you doing?” is the commonly used, “No, normal.”

8. People peeing everywhere.

Today my neighbor was peeing on her front porch when I walked out this morning. Not even in the yard, but on her porch.

9. The noise.

You do actually get accustomed to this, but only to a certain extent.

Today, I was woken up by my neighbor screaming her daughter’s name at the top of her lungs at 5:30am. She wanted a pan brought to her.

Right now, there are two girls having a shouting match, a rooster is crowing, and someone is hammering a wall next door.

10. Men in women’s clothing.

This is very popular here. Pink sparkle flip-flops with a big flower on the toes? Perfect for an 18-year-old male high school student. A satin pink jacket with the words “pretty” in rhinestones across the back? Excellent for a male moto driver. A very tight, deep-V shirt, with scrunching where the breasts are supposed to be? Perfect for every man here.